Hello everyone and good morning/afternoon/evening/night to you all, I wish you well in the love and the light.
I would like to talk about a subject that recently came up in conversation with my friends.
We were talking shop (I’m an audio post production engineer) and the subject of the name change of gearslutz.com came up.
My response was, “oh noooo”
Their response was “uh, that’s good”
I said, “I’m a slut for gear. Where will I go now?”
Another one of my friends chimed in, “I’m def with person #1, definitely for the best”
I replied with, “ain’t nothing wrong with being a slut, it’s empowering, I’m taking back the power of that word for the positive”
Person #2 came back with, “don’t really wanna get into it, but a lot of people would argue that as a cis dude , it’s not your place to be doing that”
I replied with, “that’s their point of view and that’s fine, I have my own point of view. We can leave it at that. There is no one person with proper authority over the matter.”
Later friend #1 replied saying, “I think that having your website have the word “slut” in it is pretty exclusionary honestly. Not to mention that the audio industry as a whole is pretty antiquated in terms of representation. I think it’s changing for the better slowly, but like one of the biggest audio forums has a responsibility to make people feel welcome. Gearslutz as a whole is fucking toxic anyway, you literally can’t post about anything for help – people will just roast you”
We moved on from there, I would have loved to have the conversation, but this is a touchy subject and I knew that any pursuing of the conversation would only stir up negative emotions and I also didn’t want to impose my thoughts or the conversation upon the others in the group who didn’t want to have said conversation.
However, this is a subject that I feels needs addressing and as such, I felt called to write an article regarding it. There is no room for pleasant conversation regarding the matter and so now I must monologue so that other’s won’t interrupt or sidetrack my thoughts on the matter.
People are apt to often say that someone is wrong without fully hearing them out or they close their ears and allow their feelings on the matter to overshadow any possible civil conversation. I would always welcome any conversation one-on-one, however this came up in a group setting and it’s difficult to navigate the matter when there are four forces acting against you at once.
There’s a few things to unpack here and I will address each thing in it’s own accord. Firstly:
There is nothing wrong with being a slut
There is nothing wrong with being a slut. I’m a slut for a lot of things, I’m a slut for gear/pizza/sun/puns and many other things. Essentially what I’m saying when I use the word “slut” is that I am head over heels for all of these things. And there is certainly nothing wrong with being a slut in regards to sexual intercourse and how/when you choose to have it with another consenting adult.
There is a history of the word “slut” being used in a derogatory way, often against women, but certainly against men as well. This is not a well intended use of the word and I do not condone ANY word with hateful intention and used in a manner to put other people down. Hate has no place in the world.
People seek to remove the word from use simply because people use it in a hateful manner. Can we not seek a more positive use of the word in the world and perpetuate that?
Words are not evil or hateful in themselves, it’s the intention behind them that makes them so and as such, why should we punish the word when it itself has done nothing wrong?
Again, WORDS are not NEGATIVE. They are just words.
There are two conditions that need to be met for a word to actually become negative.
#1 – someone must use it in that intention
#2 – someone must accept that intention
If either one of these conditions are not met, then the negativity of the word does not exist.
Do you see what I am saying here?
Should someone use a word negatively toward another person, then that person that it is being used against has the capability to not accept that intention or meaning and thus make it not negative.
Should someone call someone else a “slut”, instead of raising feelings of hatred toward that person and accepting the negativity, the person it’s being directed at can instead say, “thank you!” or any other positive response such as “of course I’m a slut and being a slut is awesome, thank you for seeing me as such :)”.
It would do you well not accept the negativity of words that others impress upon you, for you can stop the perpetuation of the negative use of that word in its tracks if you indeed do so. You can stop the spread of negativity, isn’t that something you would like to do as a good person? We cannot allow negativity, and you can help, you must merely take action.
If you do this, the person using the negativity will see that their intent of negativity does not work/stick and they will have to search for another tool, unlikely to use it again. If you don’t do this, then people will see that it works and seek to keep using it in that manner against other souls. Would you like them to keep doing that? The choice is up to you as to what you would like.
You may say, “but it is not as simple as that, people are going to keep doing that.”
I would say you’re right, people are going to keep doing that, but only so long as it works and so long as you let them. The more people working toward curbing the spread of negativity and acting in this manner, the less likely it is to continue. That is, so long as you choose to “combat” it with the proper methods.
It is a common fact in physics that “like attracts like” aka “positive/negative attracts positive/negative” and this is true here too.
You must use the proper methods to “repel” negativity, you cannot say to someone using “slut” in a negative manner, “How DARE you use that word in a negative manner. You are a JERK and a SCUMBAG! You are only spreading HATE”. We all know that someone spreading negativity, met with negativity, only breeds what? MORE NEGATIVITY.
POSITIVITY is the only thing that repels NEGATIVITY.
And thus again, I advocate for the use of a POSITIVE response. A “thank you, that’s so kind!” or any positive response that suits you– maybe you could say, “Hey why are you using that word in that way?”, or, “Do you know that that word hurts people?”, and actually trigger a conversation rather than just going back and forth.
“A lot of people would argue that as a cis dude, it’s not your place to be doing that“
This one is a heavy one, and I had hoped to write a whole separate article regarding what I’m about to get into here. I suppose I’ll consider this a practice run.
First off, I would like to reiterate my response to this in the conversation. I said, “that’s their point of view and that’s fine, I have my own point of view. We can leave it at that. There is no one person with proper authority over the matter.” Which is true.
Secondly I would like to point out, that while using the word “slut” negatively is often directed at females (females, I’m sorry for the continued use of the word in this hateful manner and being disproportionately directed at you), “slut” is actually a gender neutral term.
Thirdly, the meaning of “slut” as we know it today is only a very fairly recently attributed meaning! The etymology of “slut” is actually Germanic in origin tracked back to at least the 1400’s where it was known to mean “a messy woman” however it also applied to “a messy man”. It wasn’t until 1966 when it was broadly spread and came to mean “a woman who enjoys sex to a shameful degree”.
This means anyone using that meaning of “slut” doesn’t really know what it means– just because you call a lamb’s tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg; just because someone chooses to say a word and uses it with a specific definition in mind, doesn’t mean that that’s the definition the word has.
This is what stupid people do, they use words incorrectly all the time, things like –defiantly/definitely, could care less/couldn’t care less, regardless/irregardless[this one is actually a brand new word pretty much] (people learning languages, if you’re learning and using words incorrectly, that totally makes sense. Keep practicing and you’ll be a pro in no time!).
Anyway, my point with this third point is:
We adopted this definition a little before 1966, we made the modern definition, we can change it back, or change it AGAIN to something that better suits us.
So while, again, in its history, “slut” has been mainly directed at females in a negative manner, it has also certainly been directed at males in the same manner. I would say disproportionately mainly in the LGBTQ+ community, and it is also directed at cis men from time-to-time. The word has been used against every type of person in every manner, just because it is used disproportionately against one or more demographics, doesn’t mean anyone from a different demographic can’t re-commandeer it.
Thus, I would disagree that it is not my place for me to be doing that. You may disagree with that, but that’s fine, you don’t have to agree.
But if you disagree, I’ve got a question for you: Why would you disagree in the first place?
Why would you want to disagree with someone working for the good to take back this word and reduce hate in this world?
Why would you say, “I’m sorry, you’re not allowed to do that based on your skin/sexual orientation/skin/nationality/whathaveyou.”?
Are some people excluded from doing good in certain things based on their traits?
Do you really wanna discriminate based on these traits that nobody can help and stop somebody from being on your team and doing good with you?
Anyway…. Additionally, I also have more reasons than just that one that I am working off of.
People tell me my words are worth more than theirs
It has been said to me time and time again that as a “straight white male” I have the most power and privilege in the world. I would disagree, however I am basically alone in that sense. I have pushed back time and time again that I possess no more power than anyone else, I have no more privilege than anyone else, all humans are created equal, however nobody else allows me to believe this in peace or believes it themselves.
People are all the same on the inside, if you are judging them differently based on their outsides or sexual preferences than you do not see every human as equal. I see everyone on Earth as an equal, I personally believe that every single individual walking the Earth has as much power and privilege as I do. And that all of these traits that you’re giving weight to, have no significance in the powers that someone has to illicit change within the world. I believe that fully with my whole heart.
However, it has finally gotten to the point where I have to accept the reality of others. How can I reject it is so many people tell me this and believe it themselves? I cannot reject it because I have no reason to not believe you, I have to accept your reality. I have to accept that I have more power and more privilege than anyone else all because of my traits (traits that I’m unable to help) that I have this power you say I so and this privilege that you say I do.
I accept the sword of power and privilege that you have bestowed upon me
I do not want this sword of power and privilege that you have placed into my hand, I have rejected it as many times as I was able, but since you insist, then I have no choice but to accept it graciously and gratefully since you think that I should have it. It would be rude to decline.
So, since I have accepted and now have this sword of power and privilege then I must use it in the most positive manner possible. I must use it to defend, protect, and lift up those who are powerless (your words not mine) to rise up in the world. I must use it for good. I must use my capabilities and voice which has more weight to it (again, your words, not mine) so that the good of the world may push forward and the evil of the world decline.
So yes, as a straight white male, it IS my place to be doing this. You have put this sword of power and privilege into my hand and it would be a shame to have it sitting in the closet and gathering dust rather than using it to work towards the greater good.
Do I want to do it? No, of course not, but you all have given me the power. I never asked for it and I certainly tried to decline. I’ve tried to say “You have the power too! You are just as strong as me. Like me, you are made of the universe and have the same powers of the universe at your core, you can use them too!” but you deny these things, and continue to live in the reality that you’re powerless, that you’ve been oppressed, that you have no power to overcome it. I would like to tell you that that is untrue, but you would never believe me and so I must fight in your stead, it is only the right thing to do.
“I think that having your website have the word “slut” in it is pretty exclusionary honestly…”
Why do you think that? Why do you choose to think that?
Everyone is a slut in their own way, maybe it’s for pizza/compliments/cars/books/music/anything really.
“Slut” isn’t exclusionary unless YOU make it so. In what way are you making it so? If you choose to believe that “slut” is exclusionary, then you are perpetuating the negativity that people have attached to it, you are choosing to admit that “slut” is a negative term and that it is used as a slur against women.
Now, I’m not contesting that it isn’t used in that way, it certainly is. But again, you are allowing that hateful meaning to perpetuate.
The word slut in and of itself doesn’t apply specifically to any gender/sexual orientation/race. It may have been used enough toward women so that we added that meaning to it, but WE have the authority of words and their definitions. We can just as easily change their definitions to remove the targeting, why don’t we do that? We can? What’s stopping us?
In the case of gearslutz.com, where is the exclusion? Does it say “men only”, “women only”, or any other dividing category? There is one dividing category and that’s basically “you must like gear” and that’s it. Plain and simple.
“Not to mention that the audio industry as a whole is pretty antiquated in terms of representation. I think it’s changing for the better slowly, but like one of the biggest audio forums has a responsibility to make people feel welcome. Gearslutz as a whole is fucking toxic anyway, you literally can’t post about anything for help – people will roast you”
Big title there, sorry about that, but I’d like to address this all at once, this article is becoming petty lengthy, moreso than I imagined initially.
The audio industry isn’t antiquated in terms of representation, the representation just is what it is. Yes, there are a lot of male figures in it but there are many who are POC or non-binary. The percentage of women in it is less, sure, but that is ever increasing (it becomes even bigger when you consider the indie artists or the women in bands who are their own audio engineer. Do we not also consider them?)
In the end I would like you to consider: Do you want an engineer that looks like you, or an engineer who actually knows how to do the job?
In most cases, if you were a paying client, it would be the latter.
Even if the industry is male dominated, so what? Other engineers don’t care what your gender/sexual orientation/race is, so why do you care what yours is?
The domination of men in the audio industry isn’t due to anyone being “oppressed”, the domination is because all of the other types of people have other interests. It takes a particular person to want to be an audio engineer, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be anyone. There just aren’t enough “unrepresented” types interested enough to make it where they need to go. There could just as easily be a domination of women in the industry if only enough of them would walk that way, but many choose to pursue other things.
I would agree that every website regardless of size or content has the responsibility to make everyone feel welcome, they definitely should.
But also there’s the side, that it’s not your website, they can do whatever they want. And if you don’t like it, you can leave! You don’t have to stay there– go make your own forum maybe, one where everyone is included, there’s no toxicity, and nobody is left out. Wouldn’t that be nice?
I would also agree that there is often a toxic and gatekeeping culture on the forum though, that needs to be adjusted and stamped out. Often times new people with simple questions are spat on or given negative responses and that needs to be quelled or “punished” as well. It does need a sweeping of positivity to go through it. I will say though, there is a lot of good there and that needs to be rewarded. They have a long way to go to creating a non-toxic and positive environment that’s welcome to all.
In conclusion
I’m a slut, you’re a slut, everyone is a slut!!
Own it!!
It’s time to take this term back from the HATE and NEGATIVITY and give it POWER IN POSITIVITY.
Be who you are and have no shame in who you are and what you like!!
Say, “I’m a slut and I’m proud!!” Shout it, “I’M A SLUT AND I’M PROUD”
SCREW the haters, SCREW the people who use the term negatively, who cares what they think?
YOUR THOUGHTS should be the only thoughts you give any weight to.
If someone calls you a slut you can say, “Hey thanks! I appreciate that, thank you for seeing me, for me :)”. Or you can say, “Yeah, I’m a slut and that’s ok! That’s who I am and I ACCEPT and LOVE myself no matter what you say :)”
Keep your thoughts POSITIVE, don’t fall prey to anyone’s negativity and let it consume or stick to you. Let it slide right off of you like the worthless and weightless thing that it is, like water off of a ducks back.
You DO NOT have to take negativity, you can always say “No, thank you”.
Always remember that.
If someone is bringing you negativity, reject it, and project positivity back to them. They won’t understand it, but they will realize that they have no power over you and, if anything, you have exerted the power of positivity over them and THE POWER OF POSITIVITY IS STRONGER, not only that but it’s INFECTIOUS.
Good luck and good fortune in your endeavors to spread the love and light.
Wishing you all the best,
FCP 🙃
P.S. – “Slut” isn’t the only word or negative thing we can take back and give the power of positivity back to 😉
Next Article (It’s time to analyze and take control of our emotions.)