Do you ever look at your life and feel like something is missing?
It’s that indescribable void within, but no matter the size, the feeling is the same. The feeling of something missing.
This void is a fairly common human experience. Most people who acknowledge and feel the void want to be rid of it. In an attempt to get rid of it they typically end up trying to throw everything they have at it.
This is not the appropriate way to address the void. The void is gluttonous and infinite, it will eat anything and everything,
How do you properly address the void?
Well the first step is determining the source of the void, we don’t want to expend the energy in search of the wrong thing to fill this void after all.
Is there something you want out of life that you don’t have?
Is there anything in the world that you wish to change?
Is it money/love/cars/sex/drugs/happiness/fulfillment?
Is it for there to be less “evil” in the world?
Decide what it is.
Once you’ve found these things, ask yourself:
“Why don’t I already have this?”
This question is a tricky one because there could be 1,463+ different reasons why you don’t already have what you would like.
Not only is it tricky due to your own particular situation but it’s also tricky because, for this to be of any actual help to you, it requires 100% honesty on your part.
100% honesty requires you to look inward, and most people are unable to look inward with proper scrutiny toward themselves.
A good amount of people are not comfortable when they are in the spotlight. As such, should they try to look at themselves then they often gloss over themselves in an effort to move on as quickly as possible.
Of those people who are able to take the first jump, most are still lost there because they are unable to take the next step and properly acknowledge their own shortcomings.
Everyone is the hero in their own stories. Everyone feels like they are in the “right”, they are blind to their own ignorance.
It is not easy to admit and acknowledge one’s own shortcomings. It is much easier to take responsibility from oneself and blame where/what you are on forces of the outside world. This is what people do, take the easy road.
Do yourself the disrespect of not being fully honest with yourself and you will only hold yourself back.
List your reasons and do not hold back — write whatever comes to mind, if it comes to mind then it needs to be addressed.
What to do with your reasons
Write them down and then say them out loud at least 11 times. Do not just read them, you will not actively read them 11 times. You MUST use your words and give your reasons your FULL attention.
You MUST write them down and you MUST say them. This brings what is in your head into reality so you may separate it from yourself and really get a good look at it. You can not face the things that sit within your head.
You can NOT face the things that sit WITHIN your head.
As you read take not of your emotions and what it feels like to read these reasons out lout.
How do they feel?
Trust your feelings, for you will know as you say it out loud what is real and what needs to be addressed.
Everyone’s list of reasons will be different, only you will know what to do with them.
Even though everyone’s list is different there are many shared human experiences. There are some experiences that I would like to share what I believe is a beneficial point of view on some common experiences to have about them to get you started.
1 – I don’t have enough time
Oh, is that true? Have you ever tried to make time? When do you wake up? Do you sleep in or stay up late? Do you manage your time or do you fill it with (social)media/games/drugs/porn? Are you just so tired that you can’t do anything else when you get home? Do you have a demanding job(s)? You could be the head of the household perhaps?
Excuses.
Go to bed early, wake up early; do not lose the day. Get off of your phone/drugs/porn (these are brainwashing time sucks). Suck it up, you could power through if you really wanted to and you know it, I have complete faith in your ability to do that; you can do anything you put your mind to. Demanding job(s) are a more respectable excuse however, jobs should not get in the way of your happiness — you can always choose to leave or have a conversation with your boss. Parents and devotion to the family are also respectable, but not entirely valid; your spouse and your children love you and they want what you want — they will help you to figure out whatever needs to happen for you to get what you want and be happy.
2 – I don’t have enough money
Oh don’t give me that. First off – let’s talk about what you do with the money you have– how do you spend it? Do you buy drugs/alcohol/(e-)cigs? How about takeout/restaurants? Sodas, candy bars? Video games? What subscriptions (dating apps/streaming sites) do you have? How often do you take a car? Are you running up your credit card?
Finances are rather stressful for quite a few people, most are never taught how to manage them properly. You know where you are and you know your habits. If you don’t know, then you need to start monitoring your habits, I know you may be afraid to look but it MUST be done. I promise once you see what you are doing it will be clear what you need to do and if you go no further in amending your finances then you will have at least done one thing for yourself and one is better than none.
Secondly – You have the capability to go and make as much money as you want/need at any time you want/need.
For the people in the back, You have the capability to go and make as much money as you want/need at any time you want/need!!
You are smart, you are capable, and there are plenty of jobs out there you are qualified for. They may not be jobs that you would particularly privy to but you may need to suck it up and deal with it while you have to while keeping your eyes out for a better movement in the future. If you can’t do that, you can start your own thing any time you want. Bonus: if you do your own thing you get to be your own boss and under no other person. The taste of freedom is oh so sweet.
No skills/not smart? WRONG. You are good at SOMETHING. Whatever you’re good at, there is a way to make money doing it. So figure it out, do some research. Once you dive in, it will become clear what you will need to do next.
Still feel like you don’t have the skills or you’re not smart? Fine, then you need to learn. You need to educate yourself.
3 – I can’t go to school when I have no time or money
Let’s be real, you’re not trying to get into Harvard right now. (If you are that’s another conversation entirely– but hey, I know you can do that too if that’s what you really want)
For anyone not trying something similar like getting into Harvard, look into a local (Or online if you can learn that way) community college or tech school. Typically, the education you get at these places will be worth way more than they are charging and is very worth it. Apply for financial aid if you need it or maybe find a position on/off campus that reduces tuition. Local educational facilities typically have a bunch of methods to support low income students.
Not able to do that? Well, let me ask you a question.
What are you reading this on? Probably a phone or laptop, am I right?
Definitely a phone or laptop, as my writings are only available online at this time.
Do you realize the power in your hands? I don’t think you do.
In your hands you hold unprecedented access to the majority of information that the world currently possesses and it is expanding at an unfathomable rate. Basically the entirety of human knowledge as it stands.
And what do you do with it? Aimlessly scroll social media? Watching funny videos on the internet?
What you could be doing is making use of the information available out there to begin building yourself. While the most specialized and valuable information is hidden behind paywalls, there is MORE THAN ENOUGH information to get you started for a really great price: $FREE.99
Use Wikipedia, use a search engine (I recommend DuckDuckGo if you care about your privacy though I will say its results are still hit-or-miss at this point) to find what you need, go to YouTube and learn (THERE ARE ENTIRE UNIVERSITY LECTURES THERE), go to your local library, ask a friend if they’d be willing to take you on in exchange for something else.
PLEASE SEE THE VALUE AVAILABLE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE TAKING FOR GRANTED.
You likely are taking it all for granted.
These are still not valid excuses.
4 – I am a victim of the system
There is a lot to unpack at this point, so please bear with me.
Let me first start off by saying that the words that follow here are not me attempting to reduce or deny any person’s lived experience. I want you to know that I think YOUR EXPERIENCE IS VALID!
In fact, it doesn’t even matter what I think, regardless of what I think, YOUR EXPERIENCE IS VALID! I trust that. I trust what you say about your experience because I have to. Why would you say something that you didn’t believe to be true? I don’t believe that you would.
I expect to lose folks going forward on this point, I ask that you please keep an open mind going ahead. Again, I am not trying to deny your experience, additionally I am not trying to say that the system isn’t biased.
I have said the above twice because I want to make sure you understand where I am coming from and what I am attempting to convey.
Keeping the above in mind, let’s proceed..
I kept the excuse above vague because there could be a myriad or more specific reasons why you believe the system is holding you back.
Most of the victim mentality stems from two points:
A) Perhaps you believe the government is set up to favor a certain group of individuals.
B) Maybe you are a woman/person of color/LGBTQ+ who has experienced racism/sexism/bigotry.
Let’s break that down.
Every government/country is different, so I will be speaking from a USA perspective since that is what I’m most familiar with since that’s where I lie. If you are out of the US take this with a grain of salt, some of it may apply and some may not.
Now, our government was designed to protect our fundamental rights: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. The American ideal of government is for the government to do interfere as little as possible in the lives of its constituents and protect the rights of the citizens. At least insofar as the federal government is concerned.
The states have more power within their boarders, the reasoning behind this being that they are closer to their people and have more of an idea of what is/isn’t good for them.
There has been a false narrative that has been spreading and infecting the minds of American people that the governmental system is out to get them. This is certainly untrue — a system cannot be out to get someone, only a person can.
While the government isn’t out to get you, I cannot deny it’s biases. The institution of America was built by people after all and people are imperfect creatures. Everything we make is biased, even our AI is biased because we made it because WE’RE BIASED. People are certainly filled with biases, language is also fulled with biases, and thus our governmental system is biased.
The government is nowhere near free of fault, but there have been and continue to be a great many improvements (as well as regressions in some other areas) as time goes on. There is no other country with greater freedom for each individual within its boarders than America– point-blank. There is no place where so many people are accepted and able to live in pursuit of their happiness.
Yes, if you are in America, you have the freedom to go almost anywhere and do almost anything. You may pursue your happiness. If anyone is standing in-between yourself and your happiness you have the freedom to go elsewhere. Whether that be another person, organization/business, city, or state– if someone/something is standing in your way you have the freedom to leave and do what you’d like to elsewhere where someone isn’t stopping you for whatever reason. If you think America is so bad, you can leave!
I don’t know why you choose to think there are people holding you down. There is NOBODY doing that. If anything they ingrained themselves into your head. Do NOT let them do that. It’s your head, TAKE CONTROL OF IT. QUIT THAT THINKIN YOU GOT GOING ON THERE. Allowing this type of thinking is only hurting yourself.
Even if there are people holding you down, let me ask you a question.
Why do you let yourself be held down by them?
You are not a victim, you don’t have to take anything you don’t want to. Where there is a will there is a way– is your will strong enough? I’m not sure it is. Most people have no will, they bend under ANY pressure.
Don’t get me wrong, bending is often one of the most superior ways to approach situations.
After all, in times of heavy snow, the branches that snap are the rigid ones. The branches that survive the winter unharmed bend and bend until the snow slips off and then it goes right back to attention. There is a benefit in bending, but on the other hand– bend too much or too often and you’ll get stuck that way.
Hey, you can have and be whatever you want. Nobody can stop you UNLESS YOU LET THEM. You only let them when you stop trying. This is true for EVERY person. You can find a way to get what you want. There are 3476+ different ways to get there too so you can pick your favorite or leave one for another.
You have chosen to stop trying if you say someone/something else exerts power over you. Let me remind you, ALL MANKIND IS CREATED EQUAL You KNOW this, quit kidding yourself because it is a really cruel joke and I hate to see you do this to yourself.
You are not a victim. Even if you are, you have the power — become a victim no longer and please realize that you are so magnificent and breathtakingly beautiful … please allow yourself to realize/see your potential.
5 – I have wasted too much of my life
Woah woah, sure, maybe you’re not where you want to be but much of your life has not been wasted.
Do not forget about the time you have spent with your family and friends or any other creature — to call that time wasted would be truly sad. You have positively impacted lives in one way or another, brought smiles to people’s faces, lent an ear, or gave a helping hand. No matter who you think you are, you have done this for others, unintentionally or otherwise.
Yes I know, even when you see the value that you have given others it can still be difficult to not feel like there are probably some places where you could have made better/other decisions. Let go of the idea that these better/other decisions that you dream of, the past is dead and gone and you have already committed to those decisions. Drop the weight.
Accept this. Accept that your life is a result of the decisions that you have made, the decisions that you wanted at the moment.
Now realize, that right now this second (and every second) is a new moment.
Please choose to see this as your opportunity to make the most of your life and you have no idea how much of it could be left.
From this point forward you are only wasting your life if you say so.
You choose to continue as you are or to make a change.
If you decide to make a change, do not be disheartened if your self-control is weak and you fall back into your old habits.
THIS IS NATURAL.
If you were a river you have set your grooves in a certain way for so long, you can change the path of the river but it will take time before new grooves are made. Have patience and persistence like the river.
6 – I don’t know what/how/why “X”
You know why. You KNOW why. If you really don’t know why, then you need to figure it out.
Nobody can figure that out besides you. Only you know your situation, what is within your ability, and your best course of action.
What have you done to figure it out?
Write out your thoughts, talk it out with someone you really trust, research online (keeping in mind that much of knowledge is flawed).
If you really don’t know and can’t come to figure it out then I would imagine what you want is quite a journey or that you have many things occupying your thoughts and dividing your brainpower. Likely it is both.
If you are stuck, it is because for one reason or another there is some action that you cannot yet take for whatever reason. How do you get more options? Well, you focus on what is in your current view right in front of you and take the proper actions to clear your path so that you may find a fork in the road right beyond it.
Realize your destiny
Realize you are where you are because of what you have done.
Where you will be in the future will be determined on what you do starting now.
You sit in a cage of your own making, but there is an absolutely stunning world beyond the view of your bars. You made the cage, friendly reminder that the key is in your hand– you just need to stand up and use it. We’d love to have you out here with us, but you are also welcome to continue sitting there if that’s what you want to do and that’s where you are comfortable.
The choice is yours.
So, what will you do?
All the best,
FCP 🙃
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